smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
