The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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