Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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