Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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