Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
