And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
