What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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