he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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