I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
