I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
