I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
