my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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