can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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