dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
