Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
