1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
