Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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