Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
