I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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