did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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