how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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