There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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