my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
