Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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