Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
