man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
worst night to have a conscience
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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