arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
