Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
