I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found puke in my bra..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
