yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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