Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
