This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
