'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm really busy with my period
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