I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
