you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
