the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
