All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
