can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize