I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
