You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even my farts smell like vagina
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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