well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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