don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
