Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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