He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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