She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my shit smells like andre
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
