your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
