Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
