i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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