How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize