I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
