hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
