I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
