I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
