Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
