I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
