Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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