I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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