we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
