I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
