I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
