i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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