I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
