I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
