Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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