I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I end up in the pool?!
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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