I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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