I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
