I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
