you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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