You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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