Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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